A Hellfire Rose
by melanthe lilac
Summary: Never anger a beautiful Rose. The consequences will be severe. For everyone involved..


**Disclaimer: **None of these characters belong to me. If they did, I would write much better stories than this.. And I'm not making any money. At this or otherwise.. So don't sue!

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"How's it hangin', Doc?"

Very funny, Jack. Hilarious. If I could move a single muscle, I'd laugh my ass off.

"Fine, be like that. Just don't tie yourself up in knots, Doc. It'll do you good to relax once in a while!"

You're just Joke Central today, aren't you? And how can I _relax_, I'm _hanging_ from the bloody _ceiling_! And.. No, no, come back here! Let me go! Jaaack..!

---------------------------------

This is great. Just peachy.

Another normal day in the life of a Time Lord. But I guess Jack was right, I should have known better than to piss off Rose. But, seriously. How could _I _know _she_ knew what a Mastadge was? I bet our dear Captain told her, the bastard.

Well, I suppose the idiot's right, I _could_ use a break..

Hey! I can wiggle my toes! Must be the only muscles I can move. She really was thorough, though. Long ropes, _really _good knots. Must've been a Girl Guide or something. But the blindfold and gag was a bit too much, I think.

_'You talk too much'_ '_Yeah, well, too bad! Nothin' you can do 'bout that, now, is there!' _Stupid, stupid, _stupid_. Should have kept my mouth shut. Now I want to open it; yell at her, scream!

Maybe just _breathe_.. Yeah. Breathing would be nice.

Well, lucky for me, I've got quite a mind! Telepathic and all that cool stuff. So, let's see. Rose; the direct cause of my current predicament? Or Jack; the indirect cause, and continued pain in the ass..

I'll go with option number two, please, Dorothy. Okay, then. Let's get to work!

---------------------------------

Jack was feeling a little guilty at the moment. After all, I _did_ treat the Doc kinda bad.. Then it dissipated again. But he really, really deserved it! He shook his head, and smiled. Then he gave a start as he heard a voice next to him.

'Really, Jack, you should have used that Fruit shampoo instead, it doesn't make your hair stand up like that.'

"What.. Who.. Doc! What the hell are you doing here?!" He glanced wildly around the room, grabbing a towel from the rack, quickly covering himself.

'Oh, don't worry, Jack. I'm not _here.'_

"You've got to be, I can damn well hear you!"

'Yes, but that is not possible exclusively because I'm present, you know.. There are other possibilities after all.'

"What are you.." A loud groan emitted from his mouth. "Please, _please_ tell me you're not in my head.. _Again!_"

'Sorry, Jacky Boy, no can do. You're stuck with me. Until I decide otherwise, that is.'

"And when will you decide that, O Vengeful One?"

'You really shouldn't try to anger me, you know. I can make this quite unpleasant for you. But, to answer your question; when you've had enough. After all, it was you who called me vengeful, not me.'

Great. This was just great.

'Glad you think so, Jack!'

Oh, trust me, I don't. ..Hey! Stop reading my mind, you..

'Ooh, heard that.. Now, really, you've got the spelling all wrong, you know. I _should be..'_

God, please, get him out of there!

'God can't help you now, Jack..'

I swear, if you ever sing a sentence like that again..

'You'd what? Kill me? Then you'd be stuck with me for good!'

At least _I_ have to get out of here! He went over to the mirror again, and started picking out his clothes.

'Really, you're not half-bad to look at, you know.'

What? Doc!..

'Oy! No need to cover up for my benefit, dear Capitan. And I must say, blushing really suits your skin-tones.'

I.. Uhm.. Thanks. I guess.. But I'll turn around now, if you don't mind. Or, actually, _I_ don't _care_. So just shut up 'til we're, I mean, _I'm _out of here, alright?

---------------------------------

Rose was having a really boring day.

Not travelin' anywhere, no, had to go and tie the Doctor up, hadn't you..

A frown crept over her face, then turned into a grin.

He had no right to say that to me! I'll have to thank Jack for telling me what it meant, though. And the look on the Doctors face when he realised he won't make it out on his own..

Hah! She gave a little laugh.

"Hey! I'm not _that_ silly-looking, am I?" She turned to see Jack, hair still wet from the shower, wearing a dark jumper, the normal black pants, and..

"Is that a _tie_?"

"Well, apparently, as well as hearing my thoughts, he can also _control_ some of my actions."

When Rose just sat there, he continued "Yeah, he.. Ha-ha, real funny joke, Doc!"

"..What? You mean.. _He's_ in _you?_"

"Yeah. He does so from time to time."

"What! He's gone and.. And.. He did that before?"

"Uhm, kinda, but it was to help me, so I guess.. Oh, stop with the side-comments, will ya!" He sighed. "He wants you to know he was brilliant, he saved my ass that time, and I totally owe him.. Oy! I'll do no such thing!"

Rose looked on, perplexed, as Jack went into a rather big argument with himself.

"Fine, fine.. Just shut the fuck up!"

He turned to her, a slight smile on his face. "Sorry, Rose, but he wants to apologise."

"Oh. Well, I guess that's alright.."

"Good. He says.. He says he's sorry. He didn't mean it the way it came out. He'll do anything to make it all right; he'll even go as far as to have dinner with your mum. And he'll never, ever, do it again. And did I mention he's sorry?"

"..Hmm, I'm not sure, Jack."

"Rose, please. He threatens with permanent self-inflicted bodily harm – on _me!_ – if I can't get you to forgive him."

"Fine, fine. Doctor, you're forgiven. Now get out from poor Jacks body, or I'll throw you out myself!"

Jack sent her a smile, then made to get up. "I was just going to.."

"No, you stay put. He can stew a bit longer. I forgive him, that does not mean I'm gonna untie him, now does it?"

She went towards the refrigerator, bending low as to get the leftovers for supper.

"That dominant bastard can stay where I put him for now. Maybe it'll teach him some manners! So, what do ya want? We've got Mac n' Cheese, and that thing from Brolliou, the purple gooie stuff. Jack?"

She turned towards him, and her eyes widened as Jack suddenly broke out in a big, gigantically red, very fast-spreading blush. He was looking down on his feet, fidgeting.

"What's wrong? Jack?"

He sputtered "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Just.. He hasn't actually left yet. And.. Oh, will you stop it! I _was not_.. No, I _didn't!_ Oh, come_ on!_ That's _so_ not funny, Doc."

He turned to Rose. "Let him go. Now."

He held his head in his hands and quietly added "Before I loose my mind completely.."

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"Well, that was fun! Let's do it again sometime, shall we?"

"That was not _fun_, Doc. There are numerous ways I can think of to describe that, and _fun_ isn't one of 'em!"

"Oh, I wouldn't know about that.. But you're probably right, your vocabulary on the subject is really something. I should know, I saw it. And heard it, too!"

"Yeah, well, what I think about you is my own damn business! Let's just.. _Not_ do anything like that again, alright?"

"Hmm.. Deal."

"Good, guys! Then everything's back to normal." Whatever _that_ is these days, she thought and shook her head slightly.

"Come on, then. I'm hungry, let's eat!"

Two pair of eyes followed her as she went towards the kitchen. The Doctor leant closer to Jack.

"You were right! She _does _have a gorgeous ass! Hmm, I wonder how she keeps it in such good shape? What was the wording you used again? She's 'as hot as hellfire?' What does that mean, really? I guess I'll go and ask her.."

He sauntered off in the direction of the kitchen. Jack just stood there, choking on the words just uttered. Then..

"Wait! Doc, don't say _anything_!"

Please let me stop this! Or I'll have to put up with him being 'close and personal' for a _decade_! Running towards the kitchen, he heard Roses' shrill voice, yelling, and the Doctor yelling right back.

Yup. A decade. At _least_..

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**A/N**: This is my very first posted work of fiction. Any reviews, comments or critique will be immensely appreciated. 


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